You know what I like to do? I like to spend money. It’s not necessarily the best pastime. But once my boredom hits and I don’t want to pick up one of the many books I have on my bookshelf, I head out to wander the stores and try to find a new reason to spend money. As I said though it’s not a good pastime; it’s a dangerous pastime.
There is something that I feel when I go out and spend money on another book that looks really interesting, or buying the newly released book in a series I haven’t even started yet. I buy it, all the while saying, “it’s an investment; I’ll read it probably one or two times. If I really like it, I’ll probably read it 8 to 10 times!”
What about the yarn that I just spent money on though? The ones that were on sale that I bought last weekend to make into really nice looking scarves. They’re sitting in the closet, waiting for that artsy urge to hit that says “I want to create something with my own two hands!” Of course, I can’t forget the material and patterns that I bought the weekend before to make a new skirt or pyjama bottoms. I only have 3 or 4 that need to be started and another 3 that need to be finished.
I don’t want you to think that I spend money on all this stuff and never read the book or knit the scarf or finish a skirt. I do finish it. It’s just… do I really need to buy more when I have those projects and books already at home waiting for me?
Why do I buy more stuff? I do have a creative streak in me. I like to draw, but hardly ever do. I have a knack for sewing. I won a tailoring award once for a coat I made. Of course, I had help from my best friend who drafted and designed it for me.
But that doesn’t answer my question.
I like to spend money on stuff because of the potential I see in it. Whether it’s a book that looks fantastic, and I have the opportunity to be dragged into a completely different world or life that is there. Or it’s a new skirt that people will compliment me on, and I get the chance to proudly say “Thank you very much, I made it!”
But that does not answer my question either.
There is a sensation that I have when I put the object on the counter at the cash register and pass the money to the cashier. That sensation stays with me as I pick up my bag with my new purchase and walk out the door. That sensation, a feeling of excitement that I can’t contain.
Even as I think of it now, I get a shiver and I crave to go out to buy something, to spend money.
But, why doesn’t it last longer? Why does it start to fade as I get into the car or onto the bus? Why does it dwindle as I head home? Why do I look at my book when I’m home and put it on the shelf for another day? Or realize I don’t have the right knitting needles so it goes on the shelf as well. Why do I start to cut out the pattern and then put it away and set it to the side? The excitement, the expectation, the satisfaction that I felt at the store is no longer there. No longer am I filled with that sensation of excitement.
I yearn for something in my life that lasts longer than that momentary feeling. I burn for a time in my life, where I can be happy with what I have and not need to go out and feel the excitement I get when I spend money.