To have worth is to be valued, significant or important. But I want to know, who am I valued by, who am I important to? I am restless to find someone who can look at me for exactly who I am and see someone worth fighting for.
I held on to the fairy tale growing up that finding my Prince Charming would be the answer to my incompleteness. Now I’ve realized that even my husband will never fully silence my longing for worth, because as a human he is on the same level as me. Think about how much more it means to you to be praised by a teacher or parent compared to a fellow classmate or sibling. I need to be significant to someone who is more worthy than I, who has more authority than I for it to truly mean something. This hole inside of me is God-shaped.
If the Creator of the Universe could look down on me and not be disgusted by what He sees but instead desire to spend time with me, that would be fulfilling. If that relationship could really exist, how would that change my life and the way I see myself?
I had a dear friend growing up who was everything to me. All the worries of the world faded into the background when we were together. Thought-provoking discussions and gut-wrenching laughter filled our days. She was like a sister to me. So you can imagine how resistant I was to various circumstances that began to pull us apart. The more distant she became, the harder I tried to hold on. Jealousy and bitterness flooded my heart, poisoning our friendship as the days passed. Until one day she had finally had enough and severed communication with me. I have never wept so hard in my life.
The sorrow of losing a dear friend because of my foolish decisions, was overwhelming. I felt unlovable and unworthy of such a friendship because of the mistakes I had made. Then I felt God whisper softly to me;
My child, have you forgotten that I love you? I know you better than anyone else, every selfish and judgemental thought you’ve ever had, yet I’ve never stopped loving you. You are not valuable to me because of how you good you are but simply because you are mine. I created you so that you could experience a full life with me. My love for you has never depended on who you are but on who I am. Lean on me for your strength and I will lighten your burdened heart.
God’s love and approval flooded that empty space deep inside me, washing away my insecurities and filling me with joy, even in the midst of losing my closest friend. I still had to live with the consequences of my choices but that didn’t mean I was unloved or worthless. I had someone to walk with me through it all.
The Bible tells us that God came to the earth in the appearance of a man named Jesus. While on earth He showered overflowing love and compassion on everyone, even to the point of death on a cross to display the depths of what we are worth to God. Jesus didn’t stay dead though, he conquered the grave and rose again! His ascension formed the bridge for us to experience the fullest life imaginable with God. All we have to do is open our hearts to Him.
Your Turn: Are you tired of never finding satisfying answers to those big life questions? Are you ready to do the work to find if there is something more out there than what you’ve been living? If so, the best way to start searching is to figure out what you are actually looking for. Write down two questions you want to find answers to by the end of your investigating.
Now go, be intentional and be thorough in your search and you will find that the work is more than worth it!
“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” (Jesus, Luke 11:9)