I’ve spent 3 days perfecting this application in my hand. I can’t look over it any more. I tell myself whatever happens, happens. I’ve done my part to carefully and honestly fill out each question. If they don’t hire me then I just wasn’t the right person for the job and it’s best that I’m not there. I have nothing to lose.
I feel a little better. The tension in my shoulders starts to dissipate and I hold my head up higher. My confidence is building. I know who I am. I don’t need to take everything so personally; these people are just doing their job. I feel hopeful, I know who I am. I hop in the car and drive to the job site.
I check my hair and makeup in the rearview mirror once more before entering. It’s basic conduct to look professional when applying for a job, that’s all I’m doing.
I approach the front desk. The secretary is busy talking to someone on the far side of the room. Perfect, I can quickly leave my papers on the desk and let them speak for me. As I turn for the door the manager catches my eye.
Hello there, are you dropping off a resume? Oh let me take a look. Hmm-good…good. So why do you want to work here?
Great, a split chance to prove my worthiness for this position. I quickly blurt out some response about their employee excellence and intriguing history. I must sound like a nervous little teachers pet; I need her to think I’m mature and trustworthy. I try to redeem myself with an awkward handshake as we part ways. She says she’ll be in touch.
The moment I’m out the doors I’m analyzing everything; my speech, the tone of my voice, my outfit choice and imagining all the conclusions she must be drawing about my personality.
So much for not caring what people think. I’m plagued by the fear of a bad impression.
I can’t go on living like this. Clearly I need approval from someone other than myself but people just leave me emptier than before. A craving only exists because there is something that can satisfy it. There has to be a reason why I feel like I’m worth more than this world can give me.
Your turn: Do you believe there is a source outside of ourselves which gives us worth? Feel free to share a comment below.